The Horror Library - The Best in Horror Fiction

Mini Movie Reviews
By R.J. Cavender

Mini Movie Reviews
by R.J. Cavender

SEPTEMBER 2006

RATINGS

- PUTRID TRASH

- THAT WHICH DOESN'T KILL YOU...

- EH. NOT TOO BAD. PASSABLE.

- VERY GOOD, IF NOT GREAT.

- INCREDIBLE, POSSIBLY A CLASSIC!

The Descent (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this import is easily going to make my list of the scariest films of the last 5 years. With a claustrophobic mix of subterranean thrills and jump back action sequences, I found "The Descent" to be everything a great monster movie should be. Ok, fine. The ending was a bit baffling. Just know, the UK ending and the American release are quite different. If after seeing this film you want to see the original ending, just look for it online. I think the alternate ending was created just to leave it open for a sequel, which ultimately makes sense. Let's hope it'll be as good as this one! An instant classic.

Masters of Horror: Joe Dante: Homecoming (2005)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this instalment of MASTERS takes on a political slant that seems all too familiar in light of recent world events. Smart, well crafted, and to be appreciated on many levels. An great addition to an ever developing series.

Masters of Horror: Lucky McKee: Sick Girl (2005)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this instalment of MASTERS is by far one of my favorites. Angela Bettis steals the show in this segment, with a great performance put in by Misty Mundae as well. More comedic than scary, this MASTERS had a classic "Tales from the Crypt" sort of feel to it. Not the best MASTERS yet, but a great addition!

Feed (2005)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this sick little indie from Australia stands in a class by itself. Surely, an exploitation film if there ever was one. It's sick and sad, but the events are based in our reality-tv/internet addicted world. Shocking and fascinating, both is their own special way. Would probably never watch this film a second time, but I'm certainly glad I watched it. It's just one of those films you'll either appreciate or be repulsed by.

Intruder (1988)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this was a totally fun, old school slasher like you just don't see anymore. Sure Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi make small cameos, but that's not all this flick has to offer. Basic premise, a slasher strikes in a closed grocery store. It doesn't get any better than that! Might want to grab a drink, as there are as many laughs as there is gore (more than I expected). Classic slasher!

Camp Slaughter (2005)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this one missed the mark on a very interesting idea. Sort of a horror-based "Groundhog's Day" gimmick. Well, it failed pretty badly. But, if you put this one into the beer-and-friends category, it's not bad to watch just to riff on. Some funny moments, intentional and not. Worth a watch, but would again recommend drinks.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this third time the destination seems to be nowhere. Don't get me wrong, the kills by fates hand were great...some even witty. But, seriously, I think this probably needs to be the last sequel in this series. There can only be so many scenes in a film where people try to figure out in which order they are going to kick the bucket. It's been overdone now. "Jumped the Shark" as they say. I don't want to see any more of it, it's a done deal. Please don't make another one of these. But, if you do...have the accident at the beginning of the film involve an escalator. At least that will give the viewer some feeling of freshness to this stale premise.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this instalment made me just cringe to think how bad this whole series could end up. But, honestly, this one isn't that bad. Sure, it's a little predictable. But, it tries to keep the ideas fresh and works on a fun level of it's own. Should probably be the last of the series. But, probably won't be. Watchable, in a vacant 3rd instalment sort of way.

Satan's Playground (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this would be a good selection to grab some friends...get some beer and sit down for a fun viewing. The sort of film that's more fun to interact with and make fun of than to really take seriously. Although, it does have a few fun moments of it's own. Could have done a lot more with this film, but for all it's faults a fun viewing if you're in the right frame of mind. I laughed at least once a minute at something in this film!

Silent Hill (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this film did little for me other than make me marvel at how convincing the computer generation effects were. As for the story itself, I barely remember it. After awhile, it just seems to get in the way. I really was hoping for more from this movie. Maybe it has to do with my never playing the game, or maybe it's all the relentless hype I heard building up to it's release. Either way, I got very little at all from "Silent Hill" except maybe a feeling like I'd totally missed something important. I just don't get it.

Tamara (2005)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this teen slasher is just another poor attempt to rework old plot ideas from other films. The whole thing just seems really derivative. Seems watchable at first, but after the first 30 minutes it just starts to suck. The ending was damn near unwatchable. Seemed like the idea for an 80's direct-to-video rip-off. Lame.

Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, I didn't laugh hardly at all during this film. I tried to like it, but the jokes were just way too obvious. I hate the feeling that a movie is talking down to the lowest common denominator, it's insulting. I just found this installment to be beyond stupid. Reused jokes, unfunny jokes, and obvious prop gags just don't make me laugh as much as when I was ten years old. Just a waste of time.

Tooth Fairy (2006)

Now, I don't want to give anything away...but, this was a direct-to-DVD horror flick that just suffers severely from a bad script. The acting was competent, and you could tell there was some sort of budget for this picture. But, the characters were just walking stereotypes and the plot itself was too much to ask any viewer to 'buy into' for an hour-and-a-half. It was just cluttered, uneven, and ultimately half-baked. Could have been a descent idea that yielded a fairly scary movie. Nothing of the sort is going on for this DVD, however. Not even a six pack can make this film fun to watch.